i lost it.

i have a strange

bump on my cheekbone. i think it sorta looks cool. looks like a got punched in the face, and my face is swelling.

things that surprised me recently:

+ the new meg and dia cd is amazing
+ watching old band and drumline dvds make me cry
+ i don't eat when i'm sad (insert lucky boy's unfinished breakfast burrito)
+ sharing of the desktop helps me appreciate poor people's lack of having a computer
+ cal state la is gaining momentum in the fixie movement (a movement i have already opted out on)
+ for once, i'm not too excited for another riverside festivity
+ i only hold 2 good friends every 2 years
+ i figured out the reason why a handful of my friends haven't gotten signed to a record label yet
+ open g = beautiful chords
+ my nights are very quiet

for napp

this just made me realize how gay i am.



about a month ago?

always intriguing

"it's not that we lose the greatness we had, it just depends on whether we let it go."
"Just here to break limitations and come up."
"What Ever It Takes"
"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, when life gets hard and things change, true love remains the same."
"just like that i blow that shit, cuz bitch i'm the bomb like tick-tick."
"me gusta"
"you don't know me. at all."
"i'm growing up."
"lose another day here, lose another year here, i'm with you. you are the fire on my apartment floor sixteen stories i'd rather burn than fall and is it fate that took us all by storm, its just a turn of your card."
"try and catch up to me."

some original, some definitely not, but all of these quotes represent somebody. i don't know how, but they do. they're all individually taken from a couple of facebook friends' infos. some are "favorite quotes," and some are from those short bios facebook allow space for under your default picture. i love lurking up everyone and reading their quotes. i wonder if they truly believe that those specific couple of words can entirely summarize their entity.

one thing's for sure. they never thought they'd end up in my thoughts.

pr pr pr pr-r!

just 'cause.

quickie

since i haven't had the time for a while, i decided to post up a little bit on this shitty ass vaio near the kitchen in my house.

as stated before, and by many people in fact (i'm not trying to discredit or credit anyone erroneously), the higher you get up, the harder the fall. well i can honestly say i fell from a high point in last week's escapades into stimulating new places, but my morale hasn't fallen. sure, i'm phoneless, indefinitely, yeah, my macbook's backlight is indefinitely f*cked for the weeks to come, but i'm not even tripping. i've hustled my way all through college with in worse dispositions, so i know i can keep on trucking along this slightly challenging rough patch in my life.

nothing and no one can bring me down.

but in other news. i went to PCN at mount saint mary's, and i went to the afterparty, and that shit was bonkers. i kept repeating to myself a verse from one of kanye's songs. i think it went, "how do you say faithful in a room full of hoes." needless to say, i didn't fuck up with drinking and driving. man, every party i go to, there are some sick jerkers. :}

speaking of jerking, i've been distancing away from it; it's only to focused on more organized dancing with its formalities and shit.

anyway, that's about it. quickie done.

happy 420 you guys!

i've noticed

i never really do accomplish or complete projects i make unless i'm wholeheartedly determined. sure, weight, is a work of progress, but short-term things don't really last unless i'm balls out about it. for example, i try write new songs with an idea in mind, but if there's no meaning behind the mess of quarter notes, basic arpeggios, harmonics, and other musical mumbo jumbo, then the song remains words on a melody. in my eyes, it was never a viable song to begin with.

the same thing applies to dealing with friends and what not. i'm always on the go, and i live, or, rather, try to live my life to the fullest. simply put, anyone that can't keep up will be left in the dust. i take no responsibility for hurt feelings and all that other bullshit, and when i think about it, how the hell do you hurt a physically intangible object? whatever.

i think the fact that i'm never at all too determined at short-lived goals is the reason why i am very knowledgeable in so many different areas of interest, but when it comes to performing or conducting an application of the concept, i am substandard at best. i know one day i'll be the best at something, even if its only among the group of people know me.

i know i'm determined at that.

dirtbag.

my flows are getting grizzlier and grizzlier, and this is no front. i have to quit fronting with all the good shit that's been happening to me lately. there really is no use to. but hey, these strange, coincidental chain of events can't possibly last forever.

Kogi BBQ was the shit, as always. Sorta bummed, however, on the fact that there was a limit of 4 tacos per person and they ran out of burritos already, but i don't blame em. they already had an earlier gig at my other home, Eagle Rock, earlier today, and i know eagle rockers are huge on kogi. Kogi is officially better than la estrella when it comes to its own distinct flavor of, well, even the tortillas taste bomber. Fried in lard instead of oil, i believe. Whatever, I ran an extra 200 cal w/o knowing kogi will be around town, and it all turned out for the best tonight.

Man scorch is manhandling me in ways i can't believe. did not work out yesterday, and i ate alright portions, and i woke up this morning a pound lighter.

win.

imma jinx this luck or whatever you wanna call it. but i don't give a fuck.

i'm on top of the world.

omens

i'm having good ones. ever since watching ayala's show, i've been having musical epiphanies, and when i met chris brown with hannah and cb's two bodyguards near the melrose starbucks, i'm beginning to think i'm getting blessed with some good omens. no he didn't beat me.

but this crazy day was just that. crazy. it started with pick-up games of horse at the basketball courts near the new chem building on campus. class was interesting as usual. the "looking glass self": it's a really interesting concept, but i won't get into that; wiki it yourself. after class, i headed towards the USU. i usually find regina santos there waiting for lloyd from the gym, and lloyd and i do our lloyd and me routine that we normally do on mondays and wednesdays. i like this routine. i like structure in general.

hannah's the type of girl that is random. i've lurked her for several months now, and now since she's becoming a dope homie to me, there's really no point in lurking. i like to lurk people on the outskirts of our society's norms. i actually told her that, and i also warned her that once she becomes boring, i'm apt to leave. she tells me not to trip because she's never boring and will never bore me. i stayed quiet a lot of the times, analyzing her, things i would do behind a computer screen and a keyboard, but instead, she was in the passenger seat, probably also thinking. perhaps she said "she'll never be boring," because she knows herself well enough to know that, (also) perhaps, she's constantly changing in ideals, emotions, dispositions, and, among other things, personality. of course, i'm assuming, maybe it's even a front that she's telling me that "she'll bore me," but, hey, i told her i believe her. and i honestly do. being brutally honest and blunt about things shows a lot about your character, and hannah's dopeskies like that. she is not like any other virgo i've ever met.

i think it's funny how i'm writing about this and she's a follower/lurk on my blog. but whatever, thug life. i think, if anything, i will need to learn to see people as people, not as agents of expanding my own psychological knowledge.

OH YEAH.

chris brown. haha, yeah i met him. took some pictures with him. and bounced.

THE END.

actually not the end. i had a thought influx driving on the freeway for about an hour and half, and i wanted to see my girlfriend. we got some starbucks :]

fuck them haters

forreal.
those white boys don't know what's coming for them.

flashing lights

i want em.

Nothing remotely good

about "good" friday.

- We observe this day in remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross, right? And Jesus dying is "good" how?
- We act solemn, unemotional, and indifferent on this day, with an emphasis of but not limited to the acts of not listening to music, not going out, or not doing anything in general? K, yeah, that's really good.
- The only permissible things to do is pray or watch made-for-tv movies about three main characters that we all know and love: Jesus, Noah, or Moses. What's the point of acting holy today when we don't plan to stay that way yearlong? Well I don't know, OlderGeneration, us young people like to call that hypocrisy. That's definitely not "good." (if you're gonna get on my case, let me remind you that i don't consider myself as a good catholic, and i definitely never said that i wasn't a hypocrite) (i was, however, remotely interested in what my dad wanted to watch. Jesus Christ Superstar. lol)

I am going to sleep. What's better? Sleeping or doing nothing at all?
Exactly.

i don't need to remind myself

there's just no need. i'm in love, and there's no stopping.

albeit the constant headache, which i'm blaming on the man scorch, today was good. i came up on a 90 dollar paul frank sweater which is now my new inspiration to lose more weight. it looks good for now, but once i get it so it fits loosely, then watch out james b, you'll be checkin me out rather than, uh, lol nvm.

i was @calpoly (lol) to watch the show with TM, GRV, TMjr, and BMOD. I didn't know that regina santos had moves like that. she fronts like she sucks, but i am always impressed when people prove me wrong. GRV brought it as well. TM could've been better, but their level of intricacy was way off the charts. Most would agree, however, breaking, in their routine would've made them the best for the night.

In a show full of dancing, singers usually take the backseat. this would explain why the audience's "deadness" during randolph, cathy, and andrew garcia's sets. needless to say, andrew would've killed a lot of people in dancing with his mean 1990s he was showcasing after the show. the crowd he drew in the lobby was bigger than the one he had up on stage. jagg and i drew the crowd outside, bodyrolling, singing, and, of course, jerking. kevin "biglips" supplied the beat for the rest of the night.

Far East Movement was the closing act, and although I will not bag on their rapping prowess or the catchiness of their beats, i commend them for having the audience going and yelling for more. they proved to be some chill dudes when i socialized with them afterward.

What made my night was having francesca there, but that can be saved for a later post.

I took her home, and I left for coconut bay, where everyone decided to congregate. finding out that it was almost closing time, i was forced to decide what i wanted to eat. knowing that the food is, at best, substandard, i decided not to eat and kicked it with with lydia paek of boxcuttuhz and quest and robbie of GRV outside. philosophical they are when tetrahydrocarboxide inhibits their neuron synapses. however, for this night, they talked about jerking.

slowly but surely, everyone matriculated outside. slowly but surely, someone had to put on jerking music on. and slowly but surely, everyone had a fun time. good clean sober fun. i love the fact that i am a part of them. a group is more than its components; its interactions is what separates a mass of people from a group of friends.

we then went to denny's where our other half was waiting for us-- the other half that didn't feel like having mediocre thai food so then settled for mediocre food in general. it consisted of cathy, scott, and a bunch of other people whose faces i recognize but names i forgot.

we chilled for 10 minutes, jagg showed me "genuine" muay thai moves that he claimed he learned from 2 months in thailand for a summer camp, and we parted with a quickness. he doesn't front, and the bruises on my seres minor can prove that.

hm.

overall i need days like these to keep me sane. and i only write in this entry with such detail only because i want to remember this day and savor all the positive things that went on through the hours i lived through it. its days like these that make you want a friend to stand by, and today, luckily for me, i had the best friends anyone could ask for.

if only my mind was this clear everyday, but i have to sleep now. i have a psych quiz tomorrow morning at 8.

peace.

i feel that

everyone is going harder than me.
and i thought i went hard.

but damn. although everyone is surpassing, and on their way to surpassing, me, i'm so so so proud that they're not afraid to follow their true passion.

Silly girl pretty girl
If you dont see
What a spell your sweet love has cast on me
Girl and i pray that never will this trance be broken

despite

emotional accolades and such, i'm still unhappy.

if it's a sunny day, then i'm happy.
if i'm in riverside, then i'm happy.
if it's both, then napp's probably around.

went to ontario. i watched prelims for PSW, PIW, and PIO (SDSU only). hm. pulse won prelims, but i'm guessing it was due to a penalty rcc got. even then, if they were that close to beating them with that penalty, they have to potential to take it this year.

afterwards, i got my ass to riverside. kicked it with napp and michelle de alday. haven't seen that girl in forever, and apparently i called her out way back when. i don't recall.

well. i got my 100 bucks. whats good?

my new song

epitomizes the trials, trivialities, and triumphs of LA.

day 1

5 pills a day. that's the plan.

it starts tomorrow morning.

yi ssi wah ro is the best aycekrnbbq place in ktown.

yswr > mannas any day. wsup?

i went ahead.

sometimes we just need someone to show us something we can't see for ourselves, and then we're changed forever.

-zammap